Through a gnarly few weeks I am and here I am to tell you about it! But to set the mood for today's saga let me properly introduce it with this fine title...
And now I can begin... Have you ever stepped on a pin? And not just a little one but a big honking huge church lady's hat pin? No? Okay, what about stuck your finger in an electrical outlet and it took a while to pull it out? No? Okay, then use your imagination and try to imagine going to bed each night and drifting off to sleep when all of a sudden it feels like someone has attached jumper cables to your foot and started the engine.
That's me. Hat pin, electrial outlet or jumper cables. In my foot. Every night for the last four weeks, almost every hour, sometimes every half hour. I jolt out of sleep, look at my foot and say, "Okay, I'm awake. Now what?" Sometimes I have to get up and walk around for a few minutes. Sometimes longer. I've never had my dishes clean and sink empty so consistently in almost twenty years of marriage! What else am I going to do after walking around my place two or three times a night? I also play musical beds. I've been known to kick one of my kids out of their bed just on the off chance that the magic sleeping foot fairy has alighted there and she'll sprinkled some of her damn dust on my foot.
Last week I celebrated 24 years that I've been alive since I was in a head on collision in November of '85. Long and amazing story that I'll tell another time maybe. Alive but broken up a bit. Two broken arms, whip lash, bashed out teeth, and an ankle broken in two places requiring surgery. Two screws put in. Had them taken out after a couple of years. And happily went on to live a rich and wonderful life which included a mobility that I've totally taken for granted...
And so after many nights of this ongoing drama between me and my foot these past weeks (which refused to respond to painkillers, stubborn thing!) I finally went to the health centre here to say, "HELP!" The nurse was wonderful, compassionate and thorough and took an x-ray of said appendage. Hmmm. Doesn't look good. You better go into Whitehorse and see a doctor and get xrays done there. Here's some T3's to help wth the pain. (They didn't).
Doc's apointment coming up on Wednesday. No problem, it doesn't hurt during the day and who really needs sleep anyway? And so it goes... until WHAM!
Tuesday morning I'm finally asleep (on the couch) when suddenly I'm awoken by the most awful CRACK! And the worst part is that the sound came from my foot! When I finally caught my breath (those pre-natal breathing exercises I took all those years ago came in handy!) I called Ken to come look (I was too afraid, I didn't want to see the bone sticking out!). No bone but lots of swelling and PAIN! No more walking for me! I looked at Ken and told him to call my step dad in Whitehorse (an hour and a half away) to come get me and take me to the hospital in Whitehorse NOW! Ken did and so did my step dad, bless his heart!
Long, depressing story made short: x-rays show that my dear old troubled foot is done, caput, finished. Plan the pedi-funeral. I guess I've been hobbling around with no cartilage for a while now and it's bone on bone in there. The nerves in there are putting up a fuss and let me know it at night. And the CRACK I heard was just the bones rubbing the wrong way against each other. The doc was great but didn't offer ANY hope. "Your foot's a mess." The best they can do is book an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon that I might be able to see in Feb. but probably Sept. What?! And the best an orthopedic surgeon can probably offer is that maybe they would fuse my ankle (no bendy, bendy) at some time and that would take care of the pain. (Also would take care of any activity that requires a flexed foot). In the meantime, here's stronger pain pills, stay off your foot, and that's all folks! Oh, and lose weight while your sitting around too!
Needless to say I was a little devastated! But here I am on Thursday and I'm okay. The foot's still swollen but it let me sleep last night and I didn't even bring in the big guns (painkillers). Today I was able to hobble around with very little pain and I'm thinkin' it may have a few more miles in it than the docs think. Now don't get me wrong. I've had a huge slap upside the head. I know every day I'm on borrowed time with this old girl. I need to make some major changes if I'm going to preserve the little time I have left with her! That means I've got to lighten the load that I've required both my feet to carry around. It scares me to even write that down because this is such a vulnerable area in my life and I feel like such a failure. But vulnerability be damned - I gotta do it. I've done it before, with God's help I can do it again.
And so I joke about the "magic sleeping foot fairy" and I'd like to joke about the "lose a helluva lot of weight fairy" but ultimately I need God. Desperately, achingly. I need Him and I need you. All your prayers and if you don't pray, all your good thoughts (I think he listens in to those too). Thanks...
And so that's why I haven't been writing lately. Throw in there that all five of us had the pukin' poopin' flu two weekends ago (and it wasn't just 24 hours!) and I think you get the picture! I'll try to update more often...
I love you.
'til next time,